awowoowooooa
exeyeyeye:

it feels like the compulsion to lash out at men keeps getting stronger and stronger, the need to tear them down consumes me, i want every piece of rotten meat they’ve expelled from themselves to be irrelevant, i want to stop pretending they have the power, stop 
homeboy gave me an STI, one he “didn’t know he had” despite knowingly having sex with someone who was infected. I didn’t know about this until after i was diagnosed and had to have a piece of my suspicious looking cervix cut out and tested for cancer. it came back negative.
when i confronted him with the news he immediately apologized and immediately got defensive, claiming that he wasn’t the one who gave it to me, and that there was no way for us to know it was him even though that is not true in the slightest. i at first fought back but eventually calmed down and accepted that he would not claim partial responsibility. i was wrong.
i am always wrong when i giggle at a joke that i think is lazy, lame, or stupid. i’m wrong when i apologize for not wanting to give a blowjob to someone because its the last thing i would want to do. when men touch me in any way and i’m not interested in being touched, despite our relationship or lack thereof, i am wrong for not pushing their hands away, looking them in the eyes and saying “don’t fucking touch me”
i’m wrong when i slowly walk towards a bed i have no interest in laying in
i’m wrong when i watch girls slide away from a boy who’s fingering her waist at a bar and don’t say anything
i’m wrong when i trivialize my sexual abuse on love’s behalf.
"i did something nice for you i just wanted you to do something nice for me"
i do nice things for you all the time.
i eventually laugh when you slap me in the face, i mean, it was just reactionary,
i dismiss it when you kiss me on the forehead, pat my hair and say “awww”, baby me, think my concerns are cute like a baby hiccup
i wait politely while you assert time and time again that you are more important than me. that you are smarter than me. that whatever you have to say is more profound than anything i have said before and anything i will say in the future.
i listen to you when you criticize me for criticizing men.
i apologize to you when i call you out on your shitty behavior and you have a shitty excuse.
i try my best to make sure you are cool with my plans, cool with my life choices, comfortable enough to take your hard dick and slap me in the face with it while i’m asleep to wake me up
all i want is for you to say “keep it up” and 
not scream at me at the top of your lungs while i’m trying to fall asleep and forget everything ever happened.
the only thing i want is for you to not think of me as a throw away girl or as lazy or as passive in my life
but i am passive. i see women get mistreated all the time and i say nothing. i have been continually mistreated by people i love and have said nothing, or have been silenced by them, 
saying “they don’t need to deal with” the shit they’ve done that’s caused me pain.
ok.
if you continue to just think, then you’re nothing more than a thought
and i’m ready to forget it

exeyeyeye:

it feels like the compulsion to lash out at men keeps getting stronger and stronger, the need to tear them down consumes me, i want every piece of rotten meat they’ve expelled from themselves to be irrelevant, i want to stop pretending they have the power, stop 

homeboy gave me an STI, one he “didn’t know he had” despite knowingly having sex with someone who was infected. I didn’t know about this until after i was diagnosed and had to have a piece of my suspicious looking cervix cut out and tested for cancer. it came back negative.

when i confronted him with the news he immediately apologized and immediately got defensive, claiming that he wasn’t the one who gave it to me, and that there was no way for us to know it was him even though that is not true in the slightest. i at first fought back but eventually calmed down and accepted that he would not claim partial responsibility. i was wrong.

i am always wrong when i giggle at a joke that i think is lazy, lame, or stupid. i’m wrong when i apologize for not wanting to give a blowjob to someone because its the last thing i would want to do. when men touch me in any way and i’m not interested in being touched, despite our relationship or lack thereof, i am wrong for not pushing their hands away, looking them in the eyes and saying “don’t fucking touch me”

i’m wrong when i slowly walk towards a bed i have no interest in laying in

i’m wrong when i watch girls slide away from a boy who’s fingering her waist at a bar and don’t say anything

i’m wrong when i trivialize my sexual abuse on love’s behalf.

"i did something nice for you i just wanted you to do something nice for me"

i do nice things for you all the time.

i eventually laugh when you slap me in the face, i mean, it was just reactionary,

i dismiss it when you kiss me on the forehead, pat my hair and say “awww”, baby me, think my concerns are cute like a baby hiccup

i wait politely while you assert time and time again that you are more important than me. that you are smarter than me. that whatever you have to say is more profound than anything i have said before and anything i will say in the future.

i listen to you when you criticize me for criticizing men.

i apologize to you when i call you out on your shitty behavior and you have a shitty excuse.

i try my best to make sure you are cool with my plans, cool with my life choices, comfortable enough to take your hard dick and slap me in the face with it while i’m asleep to wake me up

all i want is for you to say “keep it up” and 

not scream at me at the top of your lungs while i’m trying to fall asleep and forget everything ever happened.

the only thing i want is for you to not think of me as a throw away girl or as lazy or as passive in my life

but i am passive. i see women get mistreated all the time and i say nothing. i have been continually mistreated by people i love and have said nothing, or have been silenced by them, 

saying “they don’t need to deal with” the shit they’ve done that’s caused me pain.

ok.

if you continue to just think, then you’re nothing more than a thought

and i’m ready to forget it

brialux

4/17/14

brialux:

sarahjeanalex:

sweetdreamsyouareverybeautiful:

tw: rape

Read More

another account of rape involving stephen tully dierks.

please take the time to read these girls’ stories and please do not be complicit in letting their rapist live comfortably and happily and unfazed by the emotional extortion he committed

please do not let men get away with taking advantage of girls

brialux

sarahjeanalex:

About a month ago, Sophia Katz told me she was raped by a former friend and roommate of mine when she visited New York this past May. Yesterday, she published a piece chronicling the sexual abuse she experienced that week, using a pseudonym for her rapist. I shared the piece on multiple…

ruthcurry

hold on to the feeling

ruthcurry:

(I am online shopping for a specific kind of shoe I can’t identify beyond “semi-formal flip flops that midtown basic bitches wear on the train.”)

EG
oh, those are cute
not bad at all
it’s still disgusting to wear flip flops in nyc
but if you must, these are the ones

me
that’s exactly what i’m going for
“i am being lazy but not THAT lazy”
“if you must” = totally An Aesthetic

EG
my outfit today is totally that
a sleeveless buttondown polyester blouse and cropped black Gap jeans
i look like Allison

me
it could be worse
that’s a very equivalent aesthetic
“It Could Be Worse”

EG
office culture is all about “it could be worse”

me
except for some folks who are like
“I Have Accepted Terribleness Into My Life”

EG
“I Now Embrace It”
you can imagine their homes
they have, like, scented candles and shit

me
they don’t even care anymore when they say “let’s circle back next week”

EG
ugh, i do it now
i do all those things now
you have to

me
but you said ‘ugh’
that’s the crucial part
i say that shit all the time, but i still care
i am saying ‘ugh’ inside

EG
we have to hold on to that feeling.

heavenrants

yarrahs-life:

bitteroreo:

2damnfeisty:

bitteroreo:

2damnfeisty:

bitteroreo:

2damnfeisty:

bitteroreo:

hathawayfans:

Anne Hathaway with The Princess Diaries producer Whitney Houston

WHAT?!

Please tell me you knew she was a producer in this movie.

………………..

Girl yes, this and the Cheetah Girls.

Didn’t know either of that.

Whitney cared about uplifting young women and mentoring them. Her doing these movies was just an example of how much she cared.

It bothers me how this isn’t promoted, like everything else the world knows about whitney.

^^^^ there you go… Smh.

i’ve always thought of myself as a Leo and this is me officially coming out as a Leo fuck a birthdate

This is a rotten moment to indulge any strains of ‘is this all there is?’ thinking, Leo. The world is so much larger, with so many more opportunities, than a single individual can imagine… and its vast field of promise is now so much more readily accessible to you personally than it has been in a long long time. As such, there’s not currently a smidgeon of believability to the notion of your being ‘stuck’ anywhere: in a geographic locale, in a living arrangement, in a job, in a relationship, in any shitty situation whatsoever. Waste neither your breath, then, nor your goodwill amongst those who’d be listening to your tales-of-woe on any more rehashing of what isn’t working for you. Instead, use your braintrust—which is comprised of your own creative ideas andthe synergistic sizzle of friends’ and colleagues’ spirited feedback—to come up with a clearer vision for what’s next. If that vision is already clear… well, then, dear lion-hearted one, lurch towards it. Face your future head-on, advancing into its heart-stumping unknowns with the faith of someone who rightfully sees this present period as a big beautiful transformation. Leave the creepy-crawly remnants back in that tight-fitting cocoon-shell you just popped out of, and start flapping those damn wings already.

llo-ro-na
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not yours to determine how good it is; nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is ever pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.
Martha Graham, from a letter to Agnes DeMille (via violentwavesofemotion)